If you are a wannabe terrorist with hate in your heart, do not despair. The doctor will see you now. Over a cup of tea and a few Rorschach inkblot tests, he will sort out this silly jihad nonsense once and for all. Custard cream? Now let’s concentrate on the cards.

What do you see? Bloody shackles of the infidel capitalist system. Oh dear. What about this one? Blair the pig-killer on his knees surrendering to Allah, Most High. Hmm, let’s try something else. What is the first word that comes into your mind when I say: free therapy for terrorists everywhere? Yes. I thought it might be that one.

The Home Office has just announced an extra £12.5 million in funding to support counselling initiatives in an attempt to stop extremism spreading. How very kind. This is the same Government that would not help a 64-year-old, tax-paying, law-abiding woman dying of cancer - because she had the temerity to spend her savings on drugs not available on the NHS, and was denied free health care as a result - but that will trip over itself to offer succour and comfort to any malcontent or murderous youth plotting to blow us to pieces.

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